“GROWING TOGETHER AND OLDER TOGETHER”
You might believe in this concept. But does it work well when you are with your partner in conflict? Probably not. That is the most traumatic time for you and your partner. Your relationship starts with love, romance and commitment. But as soon as you enter to committed relationship or marriage then all goes in vain. But why? Nowadays everybody dates their dates and then commits.
But still divorce ratio is very high. Even in arranged marriages also partners are all not solely responsible for their relationship. But still, that also does not work sometimes. Do you know why most couples face relationship conflicts? Let’s understand the same.
Top 5 Reasons for Relationship Conflicts:
Non -Communication:
Most of you know that non-communication or lack of communication in relations raises lots of assumptions and non-clarity. Do you know when you do not communicate well with your partner, your partner judges you based on your behaviours. Most of the time your partner assumes you and your activities. Based on his assumptions she reacts. Because your partner really does not know what is going on? secondly, when you have a lack of communication you also expect much from your partner as if your partner needs to understand you well. But really is it possible.?
If you really do not convey your message very clearly and then you expect something from your partner is it possible to get that? Think about it. Your partner stays in dilemma and assumptions based on past experiences in relations. Then act accordingly. But if you communicate well then? It solves 80% of conflicts. Out of 100 conflicts 80 conflicts arise from assumptions and judgments.
Hide & Seek:
When you hide things from your partner. Basically, you think something when you hide your details, especially from your partner. Because you have either fear of fights, fear of judgements, fear of how will your partner perceive you? But do you know when you are hiding your partner gets vibrations of being cheated or betrayed. Your partner thinks of you as if something you are not sharing because you want to cheat or you do not feel they are good enough for you.
Your hiding or lying about stuff make them more angry, sad or depressive. And as you know all people have their own self-defence mechanism. When they feel something is coming to them for which they are getting pain or suffering they start self-defending. So, what do you think? Make a list of those things which you haven’t openly shared with your partner.
Finances:
Finance is an important factor. Because it runs your life. Many relationship ends because of finance. Either one person is completely absorbed into work. And another is not doing anything. Sometimes it is difficult to meet ends even if both are working. So, discuss your finances. Talk to each other and share some responsibilities. This is one of the major reasons for conflicts in relationships.
Understanding:
Lack of understanding is common not only in relationships but with self as well. When you really do not understand yourself it is difficult to understand someone. Does your partner expect you to understand her more? Then try it. Because lack of understanding causes lots of issues from misjudging to non-communications etc. When you both are opposites in many things then try to apply the rule of 50-50. Just watch my short video on the 50-50 rule.
Responsibilities:
A relationship is not something always a happy-happy romantic life. Of course, family comes with responsibilities. And neither you are responsible nor your partner only accountable. But share responsibilities equally. Household chores, children’s education, responsibilities of other family members etc. When you do not throw all the burden on your partner nor do you take all the burden then things go smoothly. You both think of each other and go along with mature relationships.
You may comment with me if you have any questions related to this topic.
I hope this time you find many similar traits. Even you might also face some other traits which cause lots of conflicts. But How do relationship conflicts affect your mental health? This is really important to understand as our life is divided in Personal, Professional, Physical, emotional and spiritual. And our personal issues directly affect all areas of our life.
When you face relationship conflicts it becomes a major mental health issue. So, let’s understand how your beloved relationships end up in ugly fights. And how do those conflicts convert into mental disorders?
Imposter Syndrom:
Do you when your partner feels imposter? In your relationship when one partner doing well or has good traits then another partner feels a lack of those qualities. However, they have such skills and intellect. But then they feel like they are not enough for their partner. they feel self-negative talks and have self-doubts. Their internal communication goes like,” I do not deserve this person but this by chance I am with him”, “I am lucky that is why I have this person in my life otherwise I am nothing.” etc.
You must observe such conversations while you talk to your partner. Check with your partner why it makes her feel like this. Imposter comes from so many experiences a person had.
Internal Disorder:
When you are in a relationship you generally become overly empathetic or too thoughtful about your partner. When you are thinking about what your partner feels if you are sharing your problem or challenges. You avoid doing so. You start feeling let me handle my problems by myself. And you do not convey your tough time with your partner which causes Internal Disorder issues.
Try to share your problems and challenges. And if possible delegate some responsibilities to solve your problems. Internal Disorder issues convert into depression, sadness, lack of interest and inattentive behaviours.
Overthinking:
Earlier I have mentioned Lack of communication is a major factor which converts into relationship issues. When you do not communicate or when you are hiding things from your partner. Your partner may overthink a lot on various aspects. They overthink so much and feel the stress and pressure to run the relationship. When you do not communicate or communicate very little then there are chances of overthinking a lot.
Anxiety and Panic Disorder:
Do you know which fear your partner currently lives in? Have you checked? Fear of abandonment, fear of being alone, fear of separation and divorce. All these conflicts convert into anxiety. A person overthinks a lot and becomes anxious about the future. Your partner feels the pressure of fights, bullying and hot discussion. Many people are not prone to loud voices, anger and ill words or treatment. When they face such issues in relations they are traumatised and always be into anxiety about what will happen next.
Depression:
All of us are dependent on outside factors. You are happy when something is going well and your mood is low when things are not going well as you have desired. Depression has two types: One is reactive depression and another is Endogeneous Depression. In reactive depression, a person reacts based on the outcome he receives from the outside world. When you face conflicts in your relationship it is obvious that you become sad or unhappy. You overgeneralise all information in all or nothing. Marital conflicts affect mental health as badly as depression.
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder(PTSD):
All fights and traumatic events ultimately leave some scars. It is not a bad incident makes a person sad but thinking of that bad incident gives trauma. Marital conflicts and ugly fights with infidelity issues cause lots of trauma to a partner. As a person always in dilemma what will come next?
If something would not have come right then? Based on past experiences a person feels continuous stress and behaves accordingly to avoid fights and conflicts. Slowly a person becomes emotionally vulnerable and sad which converts into PTSD.
As you understand these conflicts convert into mental health issues you may solve by following the top 5 tips. How to solve relationship conflicts? Hereby sharing with you the top 5 tips to resolve conflicts and make your relationship more strong.
1) Communication:
Speak when your tongue shakes. When you really feel that your communication may create an issue but eventually it strengthens the relationship then speak it out. Speak to your partner rather than assume.
2) Share your Expectations:
Fix one day in a month. Every month in fact. Here you need to share your expectations with your partner and same way accept your partner’s expectations. Once you both know each other expectations you both can work on the same. Even in the case of nonfulfillment of expectation creates healthy communication.
3) Share everything with your partner:
Do not make your partner feel doubt on you. If you behave suspiciously then doubt is inevitable. Share with your partner about all your day, meetings, colleagues, problems, hangouts everything. If shared there is less chance of assumption. And when your partner does not assume you rest assured serenity. Secondly, if your partner judges you based on those things that you share then clarify by having clear communication.
4) Small Vacations:
There is always a time every three months when you go out alone with your partner by leaving all worries and responsibilities. Talk to your partner. Make her feel special again as earlier. This small act of going out alone strengthens your relationship.
5) Therapies:
In Marital conflicts, therapies work best. As it gives insights to those issues where non-acceptance is there. You know more about yourself and same ways your partner. So both of you express with each other without hassle. CBT works best to resolve many issues.
Last but not least, we all need each other as we are social animals. Especially your partner makes you feel special and you are the only one who is everything. Take your relationship as blessing and your partner is a person with whom you are “GROWING TOGETHER AND OLDER TOGETHER.”
