Ria and Devesh both just got married. It was a love-cum-arrange marriage. However, they found a compatibility issue after three months of their marriage.
Devesh was cool and calm. He has matured and is busy with business related things most of the time. He believes that Ria should understand his feelings without him expressing them. He is more mature than his age, which strains both their relationships.
Ria has precisely the opposite nature. She is bubbly and jolly. She is always smiling and enjoys cracking jokes and humour. She never took life very seriously.
Now they face the issue of communication and misunderstanding. Since their marriage, they started choosing opposite directions and paths, which created further distance and troubles between them. So gradually, they built up a tendency to determine how to solve their issues. The reason for the approach was to figure out whether they should stay together or take a call for separation.
The problem between them persisted because both did not want to find a solution. Various methods and therapies remove sabotaging effects that manipulate the behaviour to sustain in a relationship; and to build up the attitude towards solution-orientation. They both want others to understand and solve the issue, but they themselves don’t do anything about it.
The straightforward approach was communication through face to face meetings. They confessed their mistakes and forgave each other with the promise of not raising certain points again, even in mind. They decided to move forward, looking for all the aspects of going together as a couple. Out of 100, almost 90 elements worked nicely. But then why do they have difference of opinions?
Devesh comes from a staunch religious background. His parents and grandparents are very serious almost all the time. He also had the responsibility to work out a successful marriage with the same caste bride, as his brother had a love marriage.
An invisible burden of responsibility and expectations forces his spouse to behave and act as others in the house want; all of which is mostly opposite to the nature of Ria. She did try, but she found herself being forced to behave against her will in the end.
With gradual conversation, I started working individually on both of them as both needed to switch over natures and accept each other’s personality for a few days. Communicate together with less mobile usage and more meetings in person. In that scenario, both accepted each other as they are. As a result, bonding became more robust and strengthened their relationship.
Married life involves a lot of responsibilities. Love, compassion and care can cure all wounds between two souls. Knowing and doing things for each other’s needs, involvement and needing each other goes a long way.
ACT therapy helps not only in relationships, but in individual lives as well. If a person wants to heal his wounds, the first step is to accept and become adaptable to scenarios. What both did was take each other as they are; wore each other’s shoes and adapted with love and care. As a result, aggression and worry got eliminated from their lives, and they feel happy with each other in all moments of their lives.
Love and relationships happen through understanding. It is not just some click, it develops gradually with patience. Happily, they have both found each other as new people in this world and care for each other with compassion and love.