Communication is a key factor in relationships. Be it any relations. But most people are worried about what other people are perceiving about them. What do they think, and how do they feel after open communication? Many people face These major issues and try to repress their emotions. They try to please others so that they get validation.
Which in turn resulted in frustration lack of confidence and low self-esteem. How a Relationship counsellor or a psychologist helps you to establish communication in your Relationship. Currently, Cognitive Behaviour Therapy has proven to be the best therapy to cure many problems of human cognition. Be it any emotional issues or psychological disturbance CBT proves best.
According to CBT Why are we afraid to tell the Truth?
How we perceive, analyse, interpret, understand and memorise the given information. We perceive, analyse, interpret and communicate any information based on our core beliefs. And we may be wrong if our core beliefs are wrong about ourselves, others and the world. So most important is to work on what you believe.
CBT helps to find out your core beliefs about yourself. Based on the beliefs we all decide to act and communicate. Most human beings have a problem with what others are perceiving and fear being judged. Simultaneously in a close relationship, everyone is connected emotionally and no one wants to hurt others to whom they love the most. Which creates lots of hassle in day-to-day life and turns into repression of feelings.
CBT is one of the scientific therapies which helps you to overcome your fearful beliefs. Telling the Truth is one of the crucial things because we may feel hesitant in telling what we feel and why. We do not want others to be hurt and we become disloyal to ourselves. As mentioned earlier our basic core beliefs about ourselves and others decide what and how we want to communicate. Below are some of the assessing areas where you can do a self-assessment about your communication in a Relationship.
1) Do you think about what others feel before you give your opinion?
Yes
No
2) Are you afraid of putting your point in front of your partner in fear of a hot discussion?
Yes
No
3) Do you speak or act the way others want you to do?
Yes
No
4) Do you avoid hard communication at your home or your workplace?
Yes
No
5) You avoid communication because you have low self-esteem or lack of confidence.
Yes
No
If you assess your communication skills then you may find what causes a real problem. CBT helps you improve your thought process and emotionality with your behavioural changes. Behavioural changes can only be possible once you understand your cognitivity. Let’s understand more about communication.
How does CBT help you to change your thoughts?
Many people are curious to know from where we get thoughts. What comes first thoughts or feelings? Can we consciously think about all thoughts? Brain functioning is a complex activity. Even after much research has been done still many cognitive psychologists unable to find many answers about how and what the brain functions.
Based on our beliefs we have many templates through which we try to perceive new information and match it with the old one. We also perceive information in the Top-Down and Bottom-Up ways. But most important is to understand how we can change our thinking patterns. CBT helps you to change your behavioural pattern which eventually works on your thoughts and feelings. Directly working on the thinking pattern may not help much to solve any problem.
However, changing the behavioural patterns may help to change thoughts and feelings. Communication is one of the behavioural patterns which one can change and get his beliefs changed. But before we change our behaviour we think of the outcome. Most of the time we fail to change the behaviour. We even know how much it benefits but still, we have a fear of the unknown. CBT helps you to understand your core areas of problem and by changing them you can attain maximum benefits.
Various Techniques to Improve Your Communication in Relationship
1) Detachment with the Outcome
Healthy communication can be possible once you detach from the outcomes like what others may think, how they perceive, what if they hurt etc etc. There are other reasons as well for non-communication in Relationships especially when a person suffers from the Imposter syndrome, having a lack of self-esteem and PTSD. But if you detach what will come next and just communicate you can think in the direction of a solution, not a problem. When any one of us is attached to the outcome we majorly become negative because we manifest those thoughts which may be true but we are always in a position to change them.
2) Compromise and Negotiation
While communicating in the work environment compromising and negotiation matters a lot. Before any communication, if you can figure out your points what you can compromise on and negotiate with can make you more confident. We fear of unknown and uncertain. But what if we calculate the point of compromise and negotiation? Rather than flight from an important communication one can jotted mental notes of the compromising points.
3) Stop Prediction and mind reading.
Mind reading is a very bad idea even if you experienced the same results earlier. Because when any one of us tries to do mind reading we try to assume. And in assumptions many such issues arise that other people may not even think of it. Open-ended questions always help to understand the other person rather than judge a person based on his tenacity and usage of the words. Predictions and assumptions create lots of issues and need to be resolved by asking questions.
4) Difference of Opinion
It is hard to communicate when there is a difference of opinion. It is important to understand the acceptable and unacceptable points of the relationship. Also, it is more important to understand the expectations one carries in mind about the relationship and the actual relationship. Once you understand the hard time to accept other’s points of view you can introspect upon your unacceptable points and expectations. make a list of both and then try to understand why you accept the same. And in case of non-acceptance, how can you communicate?
5) Stop Personalisation.
To establish healthy communication it is important to talk without giving statements or labels to your partner or family. Every one of us feels offended when there is a personalised comment. But if you can stick to the problem and get things done with the modification of the behaviours then your communication turns into a healthy relationship.
6) Establish Understanding.
Understanding someone is not that easy. But if you understand your beliefs then it would be easier to understand someone’s beliefs. You have certain set standards and expectations same way the other person has. If you can give space to understand other people communication becomes more healthy without labelling someone.
7) Being more Empathetic
It is hard to be empathetic when someone is dominant. But remember one thing once you accept change is possible. But if you resist then change is not possible. So try to be empathetic and a good listener. Try to understand other’s point of view and his way of thinking. Because relationships established between the people who are differently brought up. So it is obvious to have different understandings and beliefs. Being more empathetic does not mean being submissive but be it confidently accepting a nonaccepting and then changing it slowly.
CBT works so profoundly in Relationships and communication. For further details you may visit my Instagram Id which helps you to understand more about communication.
